Hysterical Headlines (Funny or Absurd) for January 9th:

By Brian Mudd

Hysterical Headlines (Funny or Absurd) for January 9th:     

Bottom Line: These are your daily doses of nonsense from the (often GSS) media and my hot takes... 

Excerpt: Some college students deal with the financial realities of getting a college education by getting a sugar daddy. And a website that facilitates these arrangements says that four Florida universities, the most of any state, ranked among 2017's best growth schools in students using this method. 

Hot Take: The concept of collegiate escort clubs isn't new. The services have included at least 1,000 sugar babies in Florida for five years now. What's a sugar baby? We'll get to that in a moment but first here are the four colleges that are leading in "growth" nationally on Seekingarrangement.com (the largest collegiate escorting service of them all).  

  • FIU 

  • Florida State 

  • South Florida  

  • Central Florida   

If you're finding that your daughter is seemingly doing especially well financially and you can't quite put your finger on it...Well I'll not go there but it might be time to be a little nervous. These four schools have actually been among the biggest participates nationally for four consecutive years. The numbers are simply growing to a point where it's attracting additional attention. Inside and outside of the classroom. So here how it works. You have Sugar Daddies and Sugar Babies.  

What's a Sugar Daddy 

Successful men and women who know what they want. They’re driven, and enjoy attractive company by their side. Money isn’t an issue, thus they are generous when it comes to supporting a Sugar Baby. 

What's a Sugar Baby 

Attractive people looking for the finer things in life. They appreciate exotic trips and gifts. Sugar Babies get to experience a luxurious lifestyle, and meet wealthy people on a regular basis. 

So, for thousands of Florida students a year that's now called part of the "college experience". Suddenly the frat boys don't sound so bad do they?  

Excerpt: Mr. McConnell’s steadfast opposition preserved the opening for President Trump to fill with Justice Neil M. Gorsuch, a true constitutionalist. In addition, by keeping that high court seat open, Mr. McConnell gave conservatives a big reason to vote in the 2016 election, undoubtedly helping Mr. Trump win. 

Another, earlier, accomplishment that went largely unnoticed was his success at keeping every Senate Republican in line against Obamacare — leaving the disaster a partisan government overreach owned 100 percent by Democrats. 

Then, for the past year we have been hearing from the salivating jackals in the media how Mr. Trump’s legislative agenda was doomed after Republicans failed to repeal Obamacare. His entire presidency was headed for the trash heap. 

Even worse, Republicans in Congress started going wobbly. 

But throughout, Mr. McConnell proved to be a savvy purveyor of Mr. Trump’s agenda. 

In the end, he not only delivered on Mr. Trump’s tax cut package, but also managed to insert (on his own) a repeal of the Obamacare mandate, which effectively guts the whole health care Ponzi boondoggle. 

To be sure, Mr. McConnell remains a swamp creature. But that swamp creature has been turning out concrete achievements that have been daring, ambitious, principled and supremely conservative. 

Hot Take: This one makes the Hysterical Headlines today only because the idea of Mitch McConnell as a swamp creative is freaking funny. Otherwise, as Charles Hurt is inclined to do, it's a fairly brilliant piece. Consider the 2017 that McConnell had:  

  • Broke the SCOTUS filibuster rule to confirm Neil Gorsuch  

  • Engineered the confirmation of the largest number of federal justices in a single year in US history 

  • Passed the most comprehensive tax reform since Reagan  

  • Insisted on the tax reform including the end of the Individual ACA mandate  

I'd have to admit that after McConnell allowed the repeal and replacing of Obamacare to fail multiple times I was as ready as the next fiscal conservative to throw him overboard, back into the mysterious swamp from which he evidently derived from in the hills of Kentucky. In the end though - he came through in a major way. He even backed the candidate who would have won in Alabama (Luther Strange) over the man who managed to lose in the fifth most conservative state in the country (Roy Moore). Not a bad year for someone most Republicans outside of Washington love to hate. 

Excerpt: Why Oprah Winfrey’s Golden Globes Stump Speech Just Changed Everything 

Hot Take: I love the overly dramatic pendulum swings of the left (at least comically). The sun now rises in west and sets in the east. The moon now provides daylight and the stars shine brightest at noon. Gravity is now optional and aging is reversed (think Benjamin Button). Why? Because Oprah spoke. Shut the front door (especially if you're Elizabeth Warren, Kameela Harris or Michelle Obama - don't try to get in the way) and bask in the glory that is her. Of course, now that plenty of pictures of her hanging with one of her besties, Harvey Weinstein, have surfaced it may prove that she's full of it but why should facts matter when you're better than the second coming? Everything's different now. Can't you feel it?  

Until tomorrow...    

Sponsored Content

Sponsored Content